Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
