Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
