"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
