I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
