On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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