Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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