i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
