So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
