wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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