Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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