There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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