420 ftw
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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