just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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