I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
