whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just forgot I was standing up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
