i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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