I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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