Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
