Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
