the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
