is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
