I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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