I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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