I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
