if i can run in heels then i can drive
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
