I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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