They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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