So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
