i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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