Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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