super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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