one might say we're banned from that church
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Randomize
