someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The air was thick with penises
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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