Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
