I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
