R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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