Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
