dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
