Apparently you make a good broom.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
