Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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