dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
