He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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