i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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