Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
