I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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