It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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