Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
