Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
