That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
