I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
