i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
