She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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