my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
