i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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