she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
