Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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