dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
