my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
