her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
